“Inspiration rearranges our energies. It sources within us a new power and direction.”
A Return to Love by Marianne WIliamson
Last year was one of the hardest years of my life.
I’d been in a relationship which had taken a big toll on my mental health as I became a shadow of the bright light I usually am. Despite the love, I had to choose myself and step away.
Not only was I grieving the love I’d lost, which was very painful, I’d also started therapy as the relationship brought to light my traumas, which now I’m very grateful for but it was just a lot to deal with at the time.
And despite working on myself through therapy, depression kicked in pretty quick and pretty bad. I found myself being unable to cope with daily tasks or social situations even with my closest friends. And if you know me, you know I’m a social butterfly, so this was totally out of character for me. It was truly scary to see myself in that state.
However, slowly with more time and work on myself, things started to get better. My light started to beam from the inside again and I created a lot of happiness around me. I was social and smiling and I had the most amazing solo camping trip at the Lake District.
But on the day to day, I was still pretty much a couch potato hoping to feel the aliveness and hunger for life in me again.
I’ve always wanted to be one of those people who “do gym” and believe me I’ve tried, but it just never worked. I’ve been guilty of having the membership for years but showing up once a year like Mariah at Christmas.
And that’s when one day I met someone amazing who was very self-disciplined and who shows up to the gym everyday and makes it sound like it’s no biggie.
I felt so inspired by that and just thought to myself “I don’t want to feel like this (couch potato) anymore and I literally have no excuse not to go to the gym”.
And so I’ve started training, not really knowing what I’m doing but doing it anyway. Not long after that, an injury from a bike accident a few years back showed up painfully in my knee. But I decided not to give up, I went to a physio and got a PT who was leading me through the injury recovery. Seven painful months later, I’m now injury free.
The self-discipline I’ve developed means that I show up when I’m happy and energised, I show up when I’m not in the mood, tired and can’t be bothered but I always walk away feeling much better than I did before I entered the gym.
Training has massively improved my mental health, alongside therapy. It’s an act of self-love, it’s a positive new habit creating good energy and it helps me in regulating my nervous system.
My training goal is to build strength and stamina and it’s been so good to look back at some exercises I struggled with initially and how now I’m smashing them with more reps and weight.
Seeing the progress and what my body and mind is capable of is creating so much happiness and excitement.
It’s now been over a year since that journey began and one of the amazing things it taught me is that you can build a new habit anytime, no matter where you are in life you can flip things around.
Currently training for Hyrox, hoping to enter next year and just have fun with it.
I love challenges, self growth, experiencing life to the fullest and I’m just so excited to see where this journey will take me in the years to come.
Thanks, Kasia for sharing your story for the Insider Watch Challenge. If you have a story you would like to share, then please get in touch by email or on Instagram.
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A big thank you also to Darwin Wellness for allowing us to use their Northwood gym for our photoshoot.
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Challenges are part of life’s journey, It’s time for us to turn things around.
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